Taking My Own Medicine

“And what happened there has transformed my life so much.”

It was a friend’s description of her experience in a ministry similar to Landmark Journey. I should have been delighted—or at least encouraged. But I was neither. I felt jealous. 

In my mind I knew that if Jesus were honored and hearts were changed, I should rejoice, but in my heart, I felt the old pull of envy, that I didn't receive the credit, that somehow I was missing out on something. Divided once again. Alas, I’ve written a whole book on this topic. Shouldn’t I be better, or at least further along? 

It’s humbling to admit how much more I have to grow as a man, yet I know that this admission is also part of the journey. I am still fragmented in so many ways, waiting for Jesus to heal me, to make me whole and holy. So I had to stop right there and take the medicine I prescribed in the Divided book, the three strategies to close the divide.

1. Surfacing the lie: At the age of 13, I looked at a mirror in my father’s bathroom and decided that I hated myself. I then swallowed a lie that drove me relentlessly for years: “In order to be happy, I must be someone else.” I could write another book on all the ways this one lie has poisoned me, but one of the most incessant was a nagging jealousy over the gifts of others. 

2. Listening to the truth: After feeling the old pull in the conversation with my friend, I stopped and spoke the truth to my heart, that I am loved by the Father, a beloved son in His sight. Then I let myself feel His delight in me. The jealousy had vanished.

3. Telling my story: Well, that’s what I'm doing right now with this blog. I’m speaking this out to you, my reader, believing that this will continue to help break the power of the lie in my life, but also hoping that it will help you as well.  

So where are you divided? What have you been feeling that doesn’t line up with the truth In Jesus? Is it jealousy, anger, shame, apathy? What’s the lie underneath, what’s the truth to embrace, and who could share the struggle with you? This is all part of the medicine of repentance and faith Jesus gives us, not only to heal us but also to make us more like HImself. 

One day it's the medicine that will be the healing of the nations.